


In Soviet Russia

by TheGreatCatsby



Series: Before Your First Cup of Earl Grey [5]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: Gen, and elementary, damn spies, might have been inspired by the hour, russian spies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-23 14:29:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/623191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatCatsby/pseuds/TheGreatCatsby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>MI6 has had the "hey, I'm a Russian spy" talk too many times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Soviet Russia

**Author's Note:**

> I am a very not serious writer of fan fic and I am very not sorry.

“You have got to be kidding me.” 

Bond is staring down a man named Strom, previously Agent 005, currently Agent Pain-In-the-Ass. 

Q types something on his computer. M asked him to be present so that any and all orders regarding Strom could be immediately sent to the higher-ups. Q is present because he wants to see Bond riled because it amuses him, and having M equally as disgruntled is just a bonus. 

Strom also has some of his newer weaponry, and he’d like it back. 

“How long have you been in the employment of,” M shudders and finishes with extreme distaste, “Russia?” 

“Before I joined MI6,” Strom says. There’s no use in lying, now. Ever since he compromised a mission in Switzerland to protect an important member of the British government from Chinese assassins, Strom’s career as an MI6 agent has ceased to exist. 

In fact, once Q gets done with Strom’s files, Strom as a citizen of Earth will have ceased to exist as well. As for Strom himself, well, Q doesn’t ask where they ship defective agents. He only carries out the orders. 

“Why?” Bond asks. 

Q rolls his eyes. A master interrogator, Bond is not. 

To be honest, he isn’t even sure why he’s here, because Strom is clearly guilty, has been since he tried to shoot Bond. Still, he can’t help adding, “Russia isn’t even a world power anymore. You should have quit after the Soviet Union ceased to exist.” 

M gives him a look of disapproval, which Q ignores because, well, M will never find a better quartermaster as long as Q’s alive (Q thinks) and because Bond is smirking, just a little, which is just enough for Q to feel satisfied. 

“I have grown up in the company of Russian spies,” Strom says. “I was raised to be one myself. My files marking me as a British orphan were fabricated. Surely you noticed.” 

Actually, they hadn’t. “I’ll admit, the forgery was good,” Q tells him. “It can only be expected,” he adds for M’s benefit, “spies trying to fool spies.” 

M sighs and runs a hand over his head. Q starts to sift through Strom’s files, looking for the fault, the forgery, and he finds it within five minutes while M explains that whoever hired Strom is long gone, and security has been heightened since then. 

“If it helps you feel safe,” Strom says with an unsettling grin, “you can go on believing that all of your agents are loyal to the cause of the British government.” 

Q narrows his eyes. “If you are bluffing, I will find out. I will personally look into the files of each and every one of our personnel. I found the fault in your documentation within five minutes.” 

Strom glares at him, but then his expression turns almost…kind. “You would make a good spy.”

“For the other side, I presume?” Bond asks. Strom grins. 

“Sorry, I am actually a British citizen,” Q says off-hand, already beginning his search of MI6 employee files. “I imagine MI6 pays better than whatever they’re paying you, at any rate.” 

M makes a noise of disapproval. Q ignores him. Bond sighs and says, “You can confess to any others infiltrating MI6 and we might be a little more….lenient.” 

“I think not,” Strom says. “Take me away, do with me as you will. I was never loyal to your cause, and I will not become loyal now simply to put your minds at ease.” 

“Very well,” M says. “Q.” 

Q sends out the order. Within fifteen minutes, Strom is gone. 

 

Bond comes to relax in Q’s office, later. Q ignores him because he’s still going through employee files. Bond’s file, predictably, is clean, and full of interesting stories and one obituary. Q doesn’t bother to remove the obituary. 

“I hate it,” Bond says, leaning against the desk. Q doesn’t ask him to continue but he does anyway. “I hate it when our agents turn out to be working for the other side.” 

That gets Q’s attention. “Does it happen often?” 

“You’d be surprised.” 

“Well, I suppose we’re only the right cause in the subjective sense,” Q says. “You can’t please everyone.” 

“In MI6 we’re the only right cause, objectively,” Bond points out. “Anything else is treason.” 

Q laughs. “I doubt that. Some of the things MI6 does—they have to realize that their employees must have doubts about whether it’s right or not. I’m sure you have. In fact I’m certain.” 

“What makes you certain?” Bond asks, frowning at him. 

“Even if international matters would not phase you, personal ones do,” Q explains without looking away from his computer. “You can’t have believed that shooting you was the best call. You hesitated to come back after you were reported dead. I assumed, as did M, that it was because you had doubts.” 

Bond regards him for a moment, looking somewhere between angry and impressed. “You think too much for your own good, Q.” 

“It keeps you on your toes, Bond.” 

Bond rolls his eyes and leaves, and Q continues to ferret out faulty agents. 

A few days later Bond receives a new gun and a piece of paper attached to it. The paper reads, “In Soviet Russia, gun shoots you.” 

Bond throws out the paper and most definitely doesn’t laugh. Still, he has a robot test out the gun in the shooting range. Just in case.


End file.
